me-time, sleep and other things my children don't allow.

post by casey.

photos from an afternoon sledding a week ago...after a night of not sleeping and a morning catering to them;)

morning!! I got up early to try and meditate. I feel like this would be beneficial for me...I tend to get in my own head a lot, on the verge of feeling depressed - for what reason, I have no clue, because I'm acutely aware of how fortunate my life is. 

i used to sleep. Not only at night but naps during the day. I sure did love sleep. I sure do miss sleep. I hear it helps to get sleep...it helps you to feel rested and more patient and more productive. Not only does my body now reject sleep...but the kids' bodies also reject me sleeping. If I go to bed at 9PM, they will commence in being insane at 930PM and then again at 12AM and at 330AM.
IF I go to bed at 1230AM...they will SLEEP until 1237AM and then the shit-show will begin. And then 230AM and 440AM and then wake-up at 7AM. 

last night I went to bed at 930AM. That didn't go well. I set my alarm for 510AM and was able to get out of bed at 6AM but both the elder children were in my bed since 330AM and not really sleeping. Mostly fighting over who slept next to who and who's leg was on what. 
Where was Jacob in all this?!...sawing logs. The kid can sleep through ANY.THING.
And so 3MIN into my meditation at 617AM, they both came in to interrupt and demand milk and bagels.
The kicker is that they seriously NEVER get up before 730AM. UNLESS I get up early. 

being a mom is hard sometimes. I love it. I love them more than I've ever loved anything - outside of Jacob, because let's be honest...that kid keeps me sane!:). 
Being a mom can be defeating and all-consuming. 

i needed that time for myself this morning. I struggle to get out of bed early in the mornings because I'm not getting any sleep at night. But this morning I got up and I was excited to meditate while the coffee was brewing and do my 20MIN workout...and maybe get 30MIN of reading in before the kids woke-up. And if I was really lucky, Jacob would be getting ready for work and we'd be able to have a quick conversation over a cup of coffee before he heads out the door.

homer just interrupted me to ask me "when will the food be ready???"

so now my morning is a glass of water while writing up this boring mom-complaint blog post;/

it's hard to ask for help. That's the big thing. I want Jacob to get rest. But I think after a while, I need to demand my time as well. And Jacob is more than willing to help me. But what is it about us moms feeling like we MUST.DO.IT.ALL?! 

ah, this is obviously PRE-Coffee blogging...the COFFEE blog post would have been WAY more awesome;)

i know this season will pass too quickly and eventually, I will be sleeping again and wishing for those interrupted nights and early mornings with my babies. 

man, it's hard. Hard not to lose yourself in the demands of what can sometimes be the mundane life of a mom. Whether you stay home with your babies or you have to kiss them goodbye on your way to work every day...I'm sure it can all feel overwhelmingly...the same most days?!. And most days I have it in me to move through that and today...I don't. 

homer just interrupted me again to say "Everyone loves you mom. We love you so much. I just want to kiss you until you cry."

how do they know?! That's real. That actually just freaking happened - wahhhhhhh;(
They have NO compassion for me getting any god-damn sleep but they are entirely too in-tune with my heart:)

as Homer would say - because I've said/yelled/repeated it a million and 5 times....
"let's turn it around." :)

we do have a fun day planned and we're packing for a weekend away with the family and then Jacob and I are headed to Tulum, Mexico for 3 nights!! I think it's a classic case of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and shutting down days before we reach it;) I'm beyond lucky to have that light to look towards! Jacob and I are SO so excited for this time away and for sleep and for sun and uninterrupted conversations and hand-holding:) Although, we haven't even left yet...we look forward to getting back to our babies and having more to give them because of that much needed break:)

thanks for listening guys. I have to have this family out the door by 8AM...so skipping the workout and the reading andddddd the shower (come-on, you know how I roll - and we areeeee going to a water park over the weekend...so that counts, right?;) and going straight for coffee:)

happy Thursday, friends:)