Outer Order, Inner Calm.

I think I shared something recently about not being able to have it all - my version of ‘all’ - at least not at the same time? 

I’ve often had conversations with one of my sisters about wanting all the little babies…while I’m ‘young’, with money, out in the garden, homeschooling and traveling, living in a ‘done’ house, sleeping 8hrs a night, doing yoga + running, reading every day, Jacob working part-time, me having a little business, a minimalist lifestyle, making my own bread, canning my own food, styling my hair, planting lavender, growing an orchard, feeding the alpaca/donkeys/chickens/pony/ETC;),…oh, I’m also debt-free, know how to play guitar, and driving a very nice suburban;).

Stupid-long point - if any;) - is that I don’t think any of that is completely out of my grasp. I might, possibly, believe we can have it all…to some degree…if we’re willing to see it from all angles. That I want order + calm but it might not show up when and how I’d like it to:).

Getting my driveway walk in before 10AM:).

Alternate Post Title: Perspective;).

Alternate Post Title: She Still Doesn’t Realize God’s Got This;)

The same cousin who sent me the outer order, inner calm phrase is the one I mentioned feeling like meditation and prayer felt similar to me. Maybe we do have it all - maybe it’s all the same?! - at the same time. Maybe, sometimes, we just don’t see/realize it?

Did I just say that?:|

In different seasons, the things we ‘want’ may just look a little different (replace all We and Ours with ME;). 

Two years ago, moving my body looked like a summer of running and a 5k race! Last year moving my body looked like evening walks with the whole family down the trails Jacob had created around our property. In this season, it’s walking the driveway, back and forth, with 6 kids trailing behind:). In another 30yrs I hope it’s water aerobics at the Florida Campground Jacob and I are spending the winter at between traveling to see our kids in their various locations:).

- speaking of chaos…this mindless-ish chatter is making me dizzy but cheers to you if you’re still following;).

Maybe today I didn’t get down on my knees and pray but I sent one up on the drive in for school pick-up. Maybe I didn’t workout but I chased down the dog for the glove he took off Maes hand. Maybe I didn’t find the joy in the mundane tasks of dishes and laundry and bills - maybe I didn’t do them at all - but I listed some things online and filled a bag for Goodwill. 

Maybe it’s grace I need…I bet I’ve already been receiving it but I’m being too big of a butthead to acknowledge it. Maybe it’s all alright.

Yesterday it was all hard. Overwhelming. Seemingly, impossible to see through all the perceived chaos, to the calm that I envision. I couldn’t bring myself to do the dishes even one more time. I was frustrated that it took so long to get the kids ready to go outside just to take a deep breath! I was mad at the mess, the chicken shit on the front porch, the dust the hair…the undone-ness of this home that I’d only prayed to have 3yrs ago.

This isn’t me announcing that I’m never going to feel sorry for myself again;|. 

*NOT AN ANNOUNCEMENT;)*

Maybe I make it hard for myself - in fact, I know I do:| - and I get stuck wanting my ‘wants’ to look a certain way and to show up at a certain time…but as the seasons have changed and wizzed by and I look back…it seems I’ve always had and gotten what I wanted…and then some.

Today is a good day and I’d like to believe this day, days like this…they are me. The real me. The one I want to be. The one I’m trying to become. 

“On days like this, He just wants you to trust Him. He just wants you to know everything will happen when it is supposed to. And not only in regard to physical things, but all the more valuably, the rich and absolutely necessary spiritual growth your soul so desperately craves. On days like this, Trust Him. Let Him give you wellness for your soul. Find peace while you are growing for even here, He’s in control.”

- Morgan Harper Nichols

 

Randoms.

I was going to open with:

Life has been so busy!!!

But truly…it hasn’t. Mae’s been busy. So.dang.busy. Like, she never stops. “NEVVVVERRRR!” - that’s actually what she yells anytime we tell her not to do what she’s doing:|.

I just had to clean up a mess of applesauce she made. 

Get her unstuck from Evans walker. 

My ass just got wet from sitting on the toilet seat after she…peed? played in?…the toilet. 

She managed to open and drink half a bubbler. 

She bit into and swallowed/choked (only slightly but choking is my absolute worst nightmare) on a squishy ball - I was still shaking a half hour later:(. 

She’s naked all the time - potty training 101;). 

She doesn’t want her bottom buckled in her car seat and fights you to get it done. 

She wants my water. My food. My snack. My bed. My boobs;).

So yeah…life has been pretty chill, otherwise;).

^Pause to acknowledge every dinosaur, on every one of the 117 pages of the book Zeke is leafing through;).

“Casey, LOOK!” x 117.^

Sooooo, what I was saying…haven’t been busy, not currently too busy but about to get somewhat busy-ish;).

We’re kicking it off with my dads birthday at the end of the week, as well as the kids’ rescheduled Christmas Concert! After that…dentist appointments, Homer is starting piano lessons!!:), a few more basketball games, Happy Hoops (basketball for Rocky:), a school dance, panacake breakfast, Jacob and I will be taking an NFP class, a Free Throw Contest for Homer, and ending the month with Luke’s 15th birthday (omg…I’m having a hard time with that…how?). 

And THEN no birthdays in February, for our immediate clan…the calm before the 4 birthdays we’ll be celebrating in March - including my 40th!!!:).

Phew.

There you have it.

Now…gotta go get Mae and Zeke away from the humidifier that they’re currently…licking:|.

Chokecherry all lite up at night:)

I actually requested my mom get me a subscription for a food magazine this year - after having a house renovation one the last few years. As much as I love all that inspiration - see below:), I’m trying to scale back a bit on my ‘wants’ here. Don’t get me wrong…I’m still coming up with a To Do/Wish List daily…I just don’t need any help in this department!

House and Garden

I didn’t do a great job of showing off the shelving with the plants in that bathroom BUT the shelving with the plants in that bathroom!!!!

I snapped a quick photo of our bathroom - below - to show you how I could potentially make that plant shelf a reality. That rectangle isn’t actually a window - there’s no hole beyond that. My dad just put that plywood there so that we could get the drywalling done. SO me moving that window down would only be slightly annoying;).

Down and bigger - my bad;).

Light and Dwell

And then I’d add a little curtain - because, eventually, there will be a deck outside that window:).

Found via Pinterest

Pinterest Rabbit Hole + Me = an hour of unsupervised children.

Okay…I just gotta break this down a bit cause I love so much about all 4 of these:

Top Left That’s kinda, exactly, what I’d like to see for our stair railing - black with a nice mix of traditional + modern. Add a gallery wall all the way up and we’re golden:).

Top Right This is just…adorable…perfection!!! Right this minute, the front porch is a top priority for me in the Spring. Close it up a bit (to keep those chickens out and to create more of an entry before walking straight into the living-room) anddddd I love that Dutch Door. Obviously.

Bottom Left Not sure how easy it is to see but those are blue cabinets and they’re so cute! If I were forced to make a decision today on cabinets…they'd be painted! I do think to keep things light and airy in our kitchen, I’d go with white counters but I just love this look!

Bottom Right We’ve already got a plant shelf…why not a shelf around the tub;). This is just so pretty. There will be plants and there will be art in my our bathroom.

This little hammmmm. I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU!

Also. On month 2+ of her 4mo sleep regression. Help. Help me. My face. My patience. It’s fine;). 

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

via Instagram

This is her current closet. This is, honest to goodness, my dream for my closet. It is so silly that I’m struggling to downsize. Like…why?! What needs to be undone in my brain to let go of all.the.things?

I really want this and I’m going to make it happen.

Dinner:).

Live Your Truth and Other Lies

Finished my first book of 2023 (I did start it in 2022 but I’m counting it:). This was for a book club I’m a part of with The Boom Clap Community!

We’ve got an issue with the Play Room…buttttt we’ve got a plan. Before and Afters coming…eventually:).

Happy Wednesday, friends:).

Baby Fashion and a Fake New Year.

I couldn’t help myself…I grabbed these little outfits for the girls right before the New Year - just under the wire cause you knowww one of my Resolutions is to stick to a veryyyyy strict budget this year…isn’t it always:). But $7.99/each! Heck of a deal for this much adorableness! 

TJMaxx

Mal claimed Mae’s looked like an old couch…Mae said “my gah-ma has this!” Ha! And I’m still trying to work out what Evans style is…this isn’t it…but it was still very very cute:). - it was the pants with the feet for me! Gosh does that make life easier!

Do you make New Years Resolutions? 

I do make a few resolutions and those resolutions have definitely been simplified/refined over the years. After a lot of…failure and overwhelm…a girl learns to scale back:).

I ran across an interesting take on the New Year…or what some refer to as The Fake New Year…and it made some sense to me. The New Year, for a lot of people, just happens to land during the coldest/darkest time of the year. A time/season when we might be more naturally inclined to hunker down, rest, be still, reflect…we’re told to make lofty GOALS. Start fresh! Begin anew! Work-out;)!

*Did you see that the Christmas section is now the big ol’ work-out section at your local Target?…and is anyones gym NOT offering a low sign-up fee for you on January1? 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting intentions any time of the year but is it possible January might be a less than ideal time…leading to that, aforementioned: FAILURE AND OVERWHELM?! 

The information I read suggested that Spring makes more sense as a New Year. 

“Spring is the time of renewal; most animals birth then, flowers and crops bloom or get planted for the season, the sun re-emerges, animals come out of hibernation, etc.”

Up until 1752 we recognized a 13month calendar, with the New Year beginning in March…

Interesting Info. can be found HERE.

Okay, okayyyyy. It’s just INTERESTING. I realize this is NOT what you signed up for when I eased into this with tales of cheap, yet adorable, baby fashion;). BUT this is what happens when I find myself in a bit of a rabbit hole + some absent-minded staring out of the window from my bed with a sleeping baby on my chest for 1-1/2hrs:).

Do with it what you will;):).

Borderline-Too-Many-Caps brought to you by Coffee-After-1PM:| ;).

So this could be a long-winded way of me trying to let myself off the hook with the resolution-failing-situation…OR…orrrrrr…or just maybe it makes a bit of sense. And mayyyybe I’ve been a bit too hard on myself.

I love the feeling behind the New Year. It’s emotional to look back on the past year and how much has changed…or maybe hasn’t changed. How fast or slow it all went. What I’ll miss about it, what I’m happy to be leaving behind, and what I’m looking forward to. I usually always go into the New Year with a renewed sense of hope…but that is often fleeting. 

After learning a bit about the history/origin of the New Year, I found myself feeling like I really aligned with the idea of rest during these dark/colder months and renewal when the season changes to growth/warmth:).

perfect timing, Code:)

Happy {Fake} New Year, friends:).