Thursday, February 15, 2018

rocky peyton: 25 and 26 months.

post by casey.

the above Gif and THIS full link...I'm dying laughing cause it was my life this morning...trying to have a thought while the kids used anything they had in their hands as tiny little hammers against the top of the table. GAHHHHHHH!!!!!;).

"...would you please, for the love of god and your own body...hold the hammering!!!"

we're playing catch-up around here! We've had a little stomach bug run through the house and luckily,  it was quick and really, I'd take a few hours of puking kids over a month of flu/cold symptoms - UPDATE, this post was drafted a few weeks ago: Homer is home with a fever today:(!!

so on with it! Rocky Peyton! Wellllllllllll...hmmmmm....where do I begin;). Rocky, Rocky, Rocky.

rocky's become a huge pain in the ass. There. I said it;). LOVEEEEEEEEEEEE him with allllllllll my beattinggggggg heart. But STOP CRYING!!! STOP WHINING!!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!?!?!?! 
He's working through some things;). Not sure whether he prefers to be up or down or somewhere in the middle - like me on all fours while he eats his breakfast off my back kinda thing;)?. There are a lot of emotionssssss and we're just along for the bipolar ride;). We're just trying to keep our cool and manage the fits and learn to walk away:). Hopefully, soon-ish, he'll learn to speak in full/understandable sentences and then MAYBE we can all get on the same page!.
OH, sureeeeeee....BLAHHHHH BLAHHHHH WAHHHHHH means I want more milk. Gotcha. How stupid of me. MY BAD.;)

"you bore me" - RockyP on life


but Rocky is talking more and more and more clearly, every day:). He still sleeps through the night and there is a little difficulty with nap times - he doesn't really seem to want to nap but I'll be DAMNED if that's coming to an end already!!!;). We're questioning if he's ready for a Big-Boy bed!:( Currently, him and Theo are sharing a room and Homer has moved into his own room. That's all working okay but wondering about putting him in his own room. Once he's in a big bed, we're downstairs and all the kids are upstairs, we think we'll have to put a child safety lock on his door to keep him from trying the stairs when we're not awake or able to keep an eye on him. I'll keep you posted!
UPDATE: we've since moved Theo out of that room and so now all 3 kids have their own room but Rocky is still in a crib:).

rocky is so much fun and full of smiles and very confusing stories that involve a lot of hand motions;). He'll tolerate a sled ride. Doesn't like the cold. Still loves hugs and cuddles and giving out wet kisses! He smells like a puppy - I swear I bath him;). He doesn't play well with others - sometimes;). He actually prefers his cloth diapers over the disposable - which helps keep me on task of using cloth!

i'm watching him play now. On the living room floor. The sun is pouring in on a cold January day. He's happy and smiling and it's everything I want in life:). 

Monday, January 29, 2018

ike: 3 months.

post by casey.

it's impossible not to take Ike for granted! So often...very often...I make sure to take a minute, snuggle him tight and thank him for being here and thank him for asking so little of me;).

ike has been such a joy - have I said that about all my babies (minus HELLION newborn Theo?;). Well, he certainly is:). He's exclusively nursing. He's giving us a bit of sleep at night. He's co-sleeping and sleeps best in my arms at night but takes a few nice long naps during the day on his me a lot of time to be productive around the house! He loves smiling and chit chatting with us! 

he did get a bad cough over the holidays and we're finally on the tail end of that - thankfully - UPDATE: the cough is back since I drafted this post:(!!!. But we took many baths together during that time and it had me kicking myself for not taking baths with all my babies! He loves the water and it's a great way for both of us to relax before bed!

i just can't believe he's been here for 3 months. It seems like forever but I can hardly believe that just 90 days ago, I had a baby!?!  

"a baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for."
- Pablo Picasso

i will add, that I've heard of such a thing as Mom having a little 3 Month...thing? Breakdown? Mental Break? Hicup? Wall? Exhaustion?!? Whatever it is...maybe I'm there. Ike is 3MO and it's been wonderful but I'm also having a hard time not being exhausted most days and just impatient and I have felt so extra busy lately?! I don't know. It's hard. It's really not. But it is. 
I'm absolutely not complaining or really looking for advice OR pity. I think we moms have all felt this way before. Absolutely, blissfully HAPPY. But yet under&overwhelmed and sad&happy and tired but some days shit bothers me more than others?
Today sharing my bagel, after having made them ALL.THE.TOAST, almost had me in tears! But 10MIN later we're all building blocks together and I don't feel like putting them all in little individual dog crates - NOT that I've ever thought of that before or considered it;).

i may be 1 lost marker cap away from walking away from it all...or not. We'll see;). All I do know is that when you go into the docs office and they have you fill out that paperwork that asks if you cry a lot for no reason or feel sad or don't want to leave the house or think about doing weird stuff to your kids - like, let's say, putting them in little dog crates - you answer NO and say, "I'm fine:)"
Because, are...I am:)

having said all all means, chit chat with someone if you really DO want to put your kid in a tiny dog crate while you cry the day away. For real. No shame in that:).

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

whisper screams and bagels.

post by casey.

believe me...what you're about to read is not a total reflection of who I am...or maybe it's more of a reflection of who I am than you've ever seen!?;).

also. If you are offended by vulgar language...this post is not for you.

also. If you are offended by a mom bitching about her kids...whom she deeply loves but whom she needs to bitch about...this post is not for you.

also. I was not kidding about the language...shit is gonna get real...this post may not be for you;).

alternate title: DON'T BOTHER.

you know what you shouldn't do: you shouldn't bother trying to take a nap. If you have just one still think you're gonna do all.the.things. And you do, for a while. While your ONE baby, with no vocabulary - no smart ass mouth flapping back at you - lays around sleeping most of their life away, with no mobility - no smart ass legs, running away from you when you threaten a time out. You're still folding laundry and not feelingggggg tired. You're doing the dishes and paying the bills on time and planning vacations cause it's not stupid hard with one.
well, I'm here to tell you that you're fucking passed up nap at a time.

cause now...a few or 4 kids later...don't fucking bother.

hi, I nurse a baby and that's obvious by the way that my breast milk leaked through my shirt.

man, ask me tomorrow and I'll be back to my old self. Thinking I can do it ALL with 4 kids. But right now?! I've been trying to nap for 2hrs. you can be annoyed at this. I certainly am. Probably for different reasons. Maybe you're not a napper - well, aren't you the best. Aren't you so fuckinggggg bestttttt;).
I nap. I nap like once a month when the stars and children align.

but todays non-nap has me thinking about all.the.god.damn.things they're ruining...besides naps.

me trying to get anything done with a 2YR old.

don't bother taking a walk with your BFF (hey, Gerd...if you're reading this...I miss you!!!;). She lives 3miles away from me but it may as well be a lifetime. 
One of the kids WILL cry the entire walk. The one strapped in the stroller who doesn't want to be strapped in the stroller or the one riding the bike who has wiped out twice. Take your pick. Maybe both. 
Probably fucking both.
Loud enough to make a conversation really frustrating. Loud enough that you'll have to make that face at other people that you pass by on the street. The face that says: yeah...what are ya gonna do:). Shitty um. Mean it.

don't bother painting your walls white. Or any color besides a color that doesn't show permanent marker or puke or drool or sticky hands...I'll just stop there cause there's so.much.more.
Paint your walls with a black permanent marker. And by paint, I mean just find a black permanent marker - one should show up out of thin air, like they do for the kiddos;) - and then scribble on the wall for what LOOKS like 30MIN but was actually the 3MIN and 47SEC it took mom to take a dump while another kid stood next to her and asked for another glass of milk cause I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING. JUST TAKING A DUMP. WHICH QUALIFIES AS NOT BEING BUSY. AT.ALL.

don't bother starting. Anything. You will never, NEVER start and then proceed to finish anything in the same sitting. Ever.Again.
Interruptions are the name of this mind-fucking game. Wanna fill a frame and hang it on the wall?! We're looking at 2WKS (that's generous;)...and that's probably with your husband assisting you in finding a hammer and nail AND hanging it. You'll fill the frame 2MO after getting the print in the mail...all while the baby screams.

did you just kindaaaaa feel hungry?! Que the screaming baby.
Have you just sat everyone down at the table and kinda had a hold of lunch for the first time in a week and there's actually more than JUST Mac&Chs on their plates - you went the extra mile and slopped some applesauce on there and opened and warmed up a can of corn?! Cause if they're all seated and you just sat on a stool in the quiet kitchen with the little bit that was left...I guaran-fucking-T they'll be looking for seconds...and thirds...for the first time in 4 days. Be prepared to give up your own. OR someone will spill their milk.
You can eat between 1010PM and 1123PM. That's it. That's your window.
ALSO. Why haven't I lost all the baby weight yet?! I haven't ate since I left the hotel (I mean, hospital;). I'm literally ALWAYS.STARVING.

that project that took you 30MIN to set-up so that you could have 7MIN of peace will now cost you 20MIN clean-up and a bath.

don't even THINK about getting out of the house in less than 30MIN. Even that's laughable. Cause if you wanna do it in less or HAVE to do it in less...they WILL hate their socks and pants and shirt - anything you prepared the night before. They WILL loath their shoes and jacket and refuse to keep their hat know why?! No. You'll NEVER know why. Because even they don't know.
Oh, except for my 5YR old...he refused his jacket the other day because it had hair on it. Perfectly rational.
If in the off chance you do get out of the house in a reasonable time (22-ish MIN;)...we'll arrive at our destination and my 2YR old will have removed his socks and shoes and hat and thrown them into the places in the van that swallow up socks. HOW are they gone?!?!?? WHERE did they go?? That time you saved getting out of the house...well, now you're spending it standing 1/2 way in and out of a van (in sub-zero WI weather) putting socks and shoes back on a toddler...just so you can walk 10ft to the house (ha, Target;) without someone commenting: "you should really put a hat on that little guy!".

and don't bother having conversations with your spouse with the kids around. Just make a list of your hopes and dreams and leave it taped to the screen of his gaming computer. Cause by the time the kids are in bed and you love them're wiped out. You're donezo. And if you have a newborn...well, you've got a long night of NOT SLEEPING ahead of you - and NO NAP TO LOOK FORWARD TO!!!!.
The last thing I can do is hold a conversation...I certainly have the stamina to ugly cry....but absolutely no energy for the sexy or the talkie.

folks, I had to describe a bagel to my 15YR old niece today. I described it because I couldn't think of the word for a round piece of bread with a hole in the middle that you put fucking 'sauce' on. Yeah. Shockingly, she was able to guess correctly that I was talking about a bagel. I mean, can you imagine my Grocery List?!:
- round bread for sauce spreading: bagel
- bread with cheese for dipping in soup: grilled cheese and tomato soup
- apples: try not to eat the sticker but really, who gives a shit anymore
- new thing of caramel dip for said apples because the kids got up before me the other morning and ate it...without apples but with their fingers. The same fingers that walk up to me with shit - FECES - on them. The same fingers that pick their own noses. The same fingers that are legit so disgusting that I can't even actually imagineeeeeeee.
- Ben&Jerry's Karamel Sutra ice cream: cause I will NEVER forget that good shit;).


you guyssssssss. I love them and this is coming from a place of love. And I'm mostly joking. Mostly;).
And I do really believe you can do it all. Cause here I am...marker on the wall, no food in the fridge, no sleep in sight but 4 healthy, yet sometimes incredibly intolerable kids and a husband I love to tears and endless kid hugs and noses being wiped on my thigh and shoulder...and we leave the house sometimes and sometimes it's not the worst!!!! Especially, when you go into it expecting the worst;).
BUT this mess is all mine. And it's almost amazing how when you have the most terrible still end it thinking of that UNO game that didn't end in tears and that snuggle after their nap and the time you burst out laughing at a story they told that made no sense but was somehow the cutest thing you'd ever seen or heard!!!! - all this AFTER you cry a bit about how you're the worst mom ever and a complete failure and they're gonna turn out to all be murderers, of course;).

good fucking gawd. I want more of them. And if I spoke those words aloud to my husband right now...I'd have a pile of puke to clean up off the living room floor;).
I haven't slept for more than 2HR increments in over a month. I think. Maybe longer - than a month?! Maybe shorter - than 2HR increments?!;). But it's's gonna be okay...tell me it's gonna be okay...hold me?!;) get going...I can hear my husband 'whisper-screaming' at the kids. He's so sweet to try to keep it down while I do this blog post and eat a few noodles.


Sunday, December 31, 2017


post by casey.

this was initially going to be a combined New Years/Resolutions/Goals post by BOTH Courts and I. But then I uploaded 50+ photos and booted her ass to another post;).

looking back at the last year, 2017...holy cow. I can take back any times that I wondered what we did to fill our days! Even while not traveling or camping or adventuring...our days were FULL!

i was going to include my hopes and dreams and goals for the coming year but I think I'll bombard you with that after the 1st:) After looking through all of last years photos, I'd just like to leave you with my breakdown of 2017. 

i think it's impossible to say what will 'make a great year'. I could (and will;) tell you all my plans and hopes for 2018 but none of that will really matter on Dec. 31, 2018. 
This year held travel and shopping and haircuts and road trips and family reunions and camping and things that took planning and coordinating and time away...but it included last minute beach days and lazy Sunday mornings and sprinklers in the yard and quiet camp fires and not so quiet camp fires and game nights with the family and birthday celebrations and early morning walks.

it's impossible to measure what makes a great year because mine and Jacobs solo trip to Tulum, Mexico is right up there with the Sunday night we spent at Courts', watching the kids wrestle and holding babies and standing around the island and Peyton's no-holds-back laugh/smile:).

our days and our years are what we make of them. I see a lot of the same in 2018. Phone calls with my mom. Random pop-ins by my dad. Coffee mornings with Courts. Late night grocery runs with Pigg. Vacation scheming with Mal. Concerts and sporting events for the kids. Date Days and hand holding and late-night-life-dreams with Jacob.
I can only hope for the mundane. For the expected. For the birthdays and hugs and fights and making-up. The diapers and exhaustion and sleepless nights and 1st days of school and broken toys and markers on the wall and flowers at the table and candle burning and lights being hung and milk being spilled...whether it's a trip to Paris or Jacob letting me sleep-in on his one day off...I know 2018 is going to be pretty perfect:).

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
- Mary Oliver 

The Smiths. 2017

theo daisy gets a bob:)
JAN 2017

annual Dells Weekend
full post HERE.
FEB 2017

we find out we're pregnant before boarding a plane to Mexico!!!
full post HERE.
FEB 2017

i turn 34 and receive a guitar that I - feel ashamed to admit - that I haven't touched since:(
That IS a 2018 goal!!!
MARCH 2017

theo daisy turns 3!!!:)
full post HERE.
MARCH 2017

we announce we're pregnant:)
full post HERE.
APRIL 2017

homer turns 5
full post HERE.
MAY 2017

brewer game!!!

full post HERE.

we spent a lot of the summer without Jacob:( While he was busy working, the kiddos and I had so many adventures and shit-shows;) together!!!:) 

jacob goes to Colorado!
JUNE 2017


homer feels the baby kick:)
JULY 2017

jacob's 34th birthday
JULY 2017

impromptu dance parties:)

zimmerman-ewalt Family Reunion in Iowa! - minus Jacob:(

annual Renee & Lore Family Weekend!!!:) - minus Jacob:(

total eclipse

homer's 1st day of Kindergarten!!!!:)
full post HERE.

happy 6 years, baby:)


grandpa's Honor Flight:)

 family photos
full post HERE.

another brewer game!
feeling like a queen:)
full post HERE.

peyton's last High School Football Game:')

great friends and Brewery Tours:)

full post HERE.

rocky peyton turns 2:)
full post HERE.


see ya next year!!!

XO. The Smiths.