I met a man today, while waiting in the lab (prior to my 36WK baby appt.).
I'm not really one to believe in 'meant to be'. I'm more of a 'timing' gal. Today I got there early...normally I'd be running late, find a spot off by myself and stick my face in my phone. BUT today it was packed in there and I made the decision to find some friendly faces to wedge myself between and try to make small-talk and keep the phone at bay.
I'll try to keep this short (hahhhaaaaaahhhaaa;).
You wouldn't have been able to tell from looking at him, that the man I chose to befriend, was sick. I would guess he was maybe in his upper 60's and looked like a perfectly healthy and good-looking man!:) He has 5 kids (I may have used 'meant-to-be' when telling Jacob abut this man and why we need 5 kids;) and a wife and they're all very close. Soon he'll be spending 5WKS in the hospital to undergo a Stem Cell Transplant. Each of his 5 children have taken a week of vacation to spend time with him at the Hospital so that he never has to be alone.
We talked about my pregnancy and he was surprised to hear that it was our 4th and said that I looked too young to be having a 4th baby and that pregnancy must agree with me! Obviously, at that point, I asked him to run away with me;).
All of that led us to talk about life and how quickly it passes and that reminded me of how sometimes I think I have a difficult time falling asleep at night because I have a legitimate fear that the next time I open my eyes, 30YRS will have passed. He said it feels an awful lot like that when you're on the other side of it.
He told me that for a lot of years him and his wife looked forward to retirement and all the things they'd do once things slowed down. Once they got the kids through school. Once they paid off their home. They did all those things and worked really hard and when they finally reached retirement...he got sick.
He wasn't necessarily sad in telling me these things. Or telling me not to get my kids through school or blow off the mortgage or that working hard was a waste of time. His advice was simply to be sure to do the things we wanted. Not to wait. Make time and make it happen.
*cut to me trading in the Astro van for a new ride on the way home to hug my kids and book tickets to Paris in the Spring and then online shopping the rest of the afternoon;) - or maybe I missed his point;)*
After his upcoming procedure, they hope he'll have 4 more years to live.
After he got called in for his lab, I spent the rest of my wait holding back tears - unsuccessfully...but who's surprised at seeing a very pregnant looking woman crying for no apparent reason!?;). I had my baby appt. and the baby is head down and perfect. It was a sunny and beautiful day and I know this might sound a little dramatic...but I don't think I'll forget about my conversation with this man for quite some time, if ever.
We took these family photos the same day and not that I needed the reminder, because this crew IS my world...but having talked to someone is his position made it incredibly clear that what I have is really beyond anything I could ever hope for. A happy and healthy family. A LOT of fucking love. Life is not 'perfect'. Not always 'easy'. But the right now...the books I'm trying to read and haven't started, the noses (and asses;) that need to be wiped, the crying at Kindergarten drop-off, the vacations I have planned and not yet booked, the babies we're making, the 3RD trip back upstairs to put a certain 3YR old back in bed, the unprompted hugs and I Love You's, the last minute Date Days, the early morning walks and late night laughs with my one and only, the old/true friends and the strangers who change your day/life...this is really it:).
Well, as you can imagine...I'm a fucking mess and these pregnancy hormones are realllllll;').
I cried...uhhhhhhh LOT...yesterday.
- dropping Homer off at school
- meeting this man
- there may have been some stress and an awkward conversation with my OB over the state/size of my vagina;)
- the realization that Theo will be 4YRS old in March...this was super upsetting...
- TB only gave us 7 packets of Mild Sauce for our order of SEVEN quesadillas and one burrito!!! WHAT IN THE WORLD!!??!?!??!;)
I called Jacob at least 5 times, in tears. That man is a saint for humoring me:).
I'll leave you with this quote:
"Life is passing rapidly. Fiercely commit to every moment you find beautiful and remember it. Record it. Fully, whole-heartedly inhabit it. Awareness is one of the greatest things you can possess in this life as it is as important as the very air we breathe and water we drink to stay alive."
- Victoria Erickson
photos by Courtney Smith Photography