Wednesday, March 21, 2018

ike vs. RSV

post by casey.

i'll start by saying: He's OKAY:). We have a strong and healthy little chubby boy on our hands!

we - myself and Ike - spent 6 days in the hospital. Ike was diagnosed with RSV - Respiratory Syncytial Virus - and we were fortunate to get there when we did. He struggled with eating and breathing and we spent every one of the next 6 days getting him back on track. Each day that passed I thought, surely we'll be going home today!! And I think I did that every day for 6 days! The denial is strong with this one;).

while we were there my sisters and mom took over caring for Homer, Theo and Rocky. Getting Homer to and from school (he only got forgotten at school once, so I'd say we did pretty damn good;)
Jacob was out of town the first few days - because kids never get sick when it's convenient. We are just so so fortunate to have our family. 

it's so good to have sisters that show up, even when you don't think you need them to. It's so good to have sisters that can sooth your baby as if he was their own. It's so good to have sisters that know a thing or 10 about some of the medical things and can be your ears when you immediatly zone out when a conversation about NICU comes up!:( It's SO good to have sisters who walk in without a word, take your baby - who's hooked to an IV and Oxygen - out of your arms so you can go to the bathroom and sob in the shower and come out with blood shot eyes and she says "nope, can't tell you've been;)".

and I have parents who take your 3 kids to a tool show and buy them fishing poles and take them to visit their dad and drive them around the country-side to spot deer and bear and Homer even claims he spotted a Moose..right here in Central WI!!!;)

our family, friends and neighbors brought company and distraction, food and necessities, support and encouragement:). We have chosen to do life with the right people surrounding us. 

some people - I'm looking at you Brooke and Monica Casey;) - are just caretakers. It's written deep within them to show up, even when you don't think you want or need them to:). I learned a lot from how they showed up for me and Ike and hope to put that example to use the next time it's not so obvious that someone else needs or hesitates to ask for help.

something else I learned through this experience, is that you can not compare your circumstances to others. 
It's down right impossible to feel like your struggle is justified. You're struggling and then you think: someone else out there has it harder! Why can't I do this when so and so is so clearly in a worse situation!
My emotion and stress came from exhaustion. I knew Ike would be okay. But that didn't make it any less of a struggle. He was sad and sick. I missed my kids and my husband. 
I think we don't give ourselves a fucking break or cut ourselves any slack...because you know, asking for help...accepting help...that would mean that we can'! And holy shit...god forbid we 'need' anything. Help doesn't mean weakness. But it sure feels like it sometimes. 

ike is loved:)

adventures in FaceTiming;)

i'm not crying, you're crying!!!!;') - seeing/holding my other babies for the first time in 4-1/2 days.
Also. If this face/eyes/bags don't scream: NO SLEEP SINCE BROOKLYN 2012;)
Also. One of my favorite photos of all time:)

it took them 4 times to draw blood. I saw a different doctor/physician/nurse/huck/cna/respiratory therapist every couple hours. They interrupted our sleep every.damn.time. The shampoo sucked. I slept on a cot for 6 nights - something my soon-to-be 35yo body wasn't a huge fan of;). 
But even after all that...I didn't get upset. I wasn't mad at anyone. The only time I came even close to throwing down with someone was with the Lunch Lady over how many pancakes she deemed TOO many. Bitch,

we're home and boy did it feel good to get home. But now it's 223AM and I'm struggling to get off hospital time;). Ike has adjusted well to not being poked and prodded every 27MIN:). 

he was sent home a pound lighter than when we arrived and with an inhaler to be used for as long as this cough lasts. He's such a good boy. It was hard to see him not himself. 

thank you guys. I know, had I shared this in real time, you would have all been so incredibly supportive. 
Now...let's get this terrible season of illness behind us!!!!:) 

Sunday, March 11, 2018

another week without you...or a phone!.

post by casey.

this is coming in unedited (the photos) and with the Time Change (seems to have affected my husband more than the kids - it's 1102AM and he's still in bed I'm allowing him to sleep-in;).

i wanted to do a quick update, of sorts, because since the last 'update' - HERE - and getting you up to speed on my Social Media Break-ish, my phone actually completely shut down on me. I've been without phone for almost a week! Besides the technical shit that is upsetting in having your phone take a crap - like losing a weeks worth of photos, my entire calendar (I have NO clue what I'm obligated/committed to for the next 6MO!!!), meaningful text message conversations, etc - I had to make the daunting decision as to whether to even replace it (as if I could just go phoneless;) and what to replace it with (WHY SO EXPENSIVE!!!).

in the end, I decided to just file an insurance claim on my phone and for a $168 deductible, I'll be receiving a new iPhone 6s Plus in the mail some time tomorrow evening. My previous phone was paid off and I just couldn't stomach adding another $35-ish to our monthly AT&T bill for an $800/900 phone! Man...those prices! Also...I just have a love/hate relationship with technology and so I wish someone else could do all of this for me - I probably would have been told to be backing up to iCloud then?!;) And part of me is excited to get an empty phone and put ONLY the necessities back on it! When mine broke, I had over 2,000 photos and Pizza Hut on speed dial and just a bunch of crap that was bogging my phone AND life downnnnn. here's what I had from our week, all unedited - which I'd normally do on my phone. Taken with my little point&shoot - the one the kids use and drop multiple times a day. I'm actually considering buying something small/new/amazing to use now that I saved all that money on a phone. Any suggestions for a great point&shoot camera?!?!

we spent 3 days in WI Dells for our annual Smith Christmas Getaway - see last years getaway HERE:)
Full post to come on that - Courts might even show her face on this blog with a post on her version of our getaway!!!! It's a Smith Dells Christmas Miracle!!!;)

1 of the millions of photos I find on my camera after the kids have gotten a hold of it. This from Theo Daisy!!! She's got a real gift for photography and love for all things horse;).

this turd - RockyP - is officially in a BIG BOY BED/twin mattress on the floor;)!!! Good grief! SO happy to be distracted with a newborn because this hasn't yet affected me emotionally;).
He's doing SO well!

my specialty;). And don't let the jammie pants fool you, this photo was taken at about 527PM...Mom made dinner and is also in desperate need of a shower;).

this weather, you guysssss! Anything over 30 degrees with less than 10mph winds, in WI...MAGIC!

we walked to the library - Nash + Homer. They were in Lego Heaven!!

the fun and fighting and Legos continued at home;) - Homer + RockyP.

i'll be back from the stone age tomorrow! Phone should arrive by 5PM! These last few days 'unplugged' have really reminded me that I can go without...without texting, without a schedule (that's fortunate for me, as I know some/most couldn't live that flexibly), without the Internet in general! After all this I really hope to designate specific hours for playing around on my phone or full days (Sundays, maybe?) where we unplug entirely!

anyways, I miss you guys and can't wait to dive back in!!!!

Thursday, March 8, 2018

ike: 4 months and rockyp: 27 months

post by casey.

this huge chunk-a-baby is actually almost 5MO old! Good golly, he's basically the best:). He weighed in at about 18LBS at his 4MO appt.!

what has Ike Ewalt Smith been up to....
Ike has to be buckled into all his little seats cause he's pushing out of things and trying to roll on his side! He is all smiles, especially first thing in the morning! He LOVES to talk - no clue where he got that from;). He's still exclusively nursing and that's going well - minus the few coughs he's had:(. BUT he's such a good boy and gives me 6+HR stretches of sleep most nights!!! 

the kids love to be IN HIS FACE. AT ALL TIMES. Arg. But they have been the best helpers and sure do love their Baby Ike:). I, legit, can't get enough of him!!!

and then there's THIS mess;). RockyP. RockyP. Rocky.PPPPPPP....this kid. He's ridiculous and somewhat emotional but I've got a soft spot for him. He can be crying/clinging to my leg and I just can't help but think he's the most adorable;)!

rockyP sleeps great. Him and Theo have been having a great time at home together while big brother, Homer, is at school! He loves to sit by himself and 'read':). He HATES being cold. He loves jumping on the bed:).

rocky is definitely putting together understandable sentences lately. He's been taking his time making sense but now we can determine what he wants/is demanding/needs abouttttt 46% of the time;).

i was babysitting a bunch of different kiddos over the last few weeks and now that it's back to JUST;) myself, Ike, Rocky and Theo at home most feels very quiet around the house! And now that I've been doing my Social Media Break/my phone actually's been damn near silent at the house for almost 48HRS. And I'm not sure whether I'm just being lazy or I'm too tired to care or I'm just all in on this 'break'...but I really don't feel the rush to get my phone fixed or replaced and so we're just kinda sitting here, determining which neighbor's house would be best to run to in the unlikely case that we need to dial 911;).

Wednesday, February 28, 2018

a week without you.

post by casey.

a few of my favorite things:
- bragging up my kids
- taking photos of my kids
- complaining about my kids
- sharing photos of equally proud/embarrassing/defeating/frustrating moments of my kids
- general;)

a few things I've 'given up' since the New Year:
- shopping...all of it. Any kind. All.The.Shopping.

and now since Lent:
- ALL SOCIAL MEDIA (with the exceptions of checking to make sure weirdo's haven't started following my accounts and to check-in on some of our 'business' accounts to continue my 'work' with those). I spend my longggggggg, coldddddd days here at home...just me and the kiddos. No real outside/human/adult interaction. No exciting mail days. No scrolling. No searching. No Target runs. 

some photos/things you've missed:)
willb and Theo are registered for PreK this fall!!! - them smiling and me eating an oatmeal cooking/sobbing.

it's good, you guys;). The benefits of this break are out-weighing the negatives.
I miss posting. I miss seeing what people are up to. I've actually found myself taking less photos because I know that I won't be sharing them with the outside world. That bothers me.

i actually just finished a book and found this quote within it:

"Why has living out loud for the rest of the world to see become such a priority?" 
- A Simplified Life by Emily Ley

A Simplified Life
about to begin Brene Browns Braving The Wilderness and then The Couple Next Door for my Book Club:)

i've been thinking a lot about that. 

social media was never too bothersome to me. I didn't find myself comparing my body or face or kids or vacations to anyone else or even when I did, I didn't really let that get me down...I'd be lying if I said I didn't envy some of the lifestyles of the accounts I follow. Moms staying home that seemed to have a budget for anything they wanted or needed. Families vcacationing for a living. Homes with finished kitchens. Women with all Madewell wardrobes. I don't mind a bit of envy but I'm sick of wanting all the things.  

i KNOW I have enough.

"It's a beautiful thing to have lungs that allow you to breath air and legs that allow you to climb mountains, and it's a shame that sometimes we don't realize that that's enough."

still all the coffee with Ike:)
and I DID break my No-Spending to buy a couple adorable rompers from my good friend over at New Moon Beginning - Ike is pictured wearing one, above:)!!!

and for.real. I've saved us SO much money in only 2MO! I was talking to a friend recently about having given up shopping - for now - and she had read somewhere that online shopping gives you an initial 12MIN of satisfaction or happiness. Where as if you were to put that money towards an can look back on that experience with happy feelings (assuming that experience was a positive one;) forever!!

i've been babysitting and that's been equal parts shitty anddddd financially beneficial;).

i'd also like to point out that this is all for me. This is not me passing judgement if you're still on social media or shopping online. I was just indulging too much. Likeeeeeee uhhhhh lotttttt. And I realize that I'm home all day and so I have the ability to be online at almost any point in the stop what I'm doing to look something up online. And add in that I'm nursing...which forces me to take multiple 'breaks' during the day and sit and then most times, stare at my phone. SO if you's got the time and the moniesssss andsssss the self control....I salute you;).

homer watching the clock, waiting on Minecraft Night With Dad to begin;).

so over the past week I've finished a book and started a book. I've talked to a friend on the phone, something that was long overdue! I'm still filling my time...listening to Podcasts and doing a bit more house work. There's still a lot of room for improvement. I want to be spending that free time with the kids...not filling it with more tasks. 

at the end of the day I still feel like I've been busy all day. Maybe even still a bit distracted BUT with things that hold a bit more substance than all the absentminded scrolling. My head doesn't hit the pillow with the guilt it had just a week ago - having not felt like I really LOOKED at the kids all day/night. Like they were 'interrupting' me on my phone constantly. The haze has lifted.

we built a Snowman...ish;).

BUT the habit is hard to break. I still find myself checking my phone for the apps that I deleted a week ago. Searching for something to...look at or find?!

this break is good but a reminder that at the end of this I am looking for things to be changed. That at the end of this, I want to break some very bad and addictive habits.

making smoothies and trying to be healthy...ish;).

i'm not entirely sure how long I see this break lasting. I've been throwing around popping back up on my birthday! I turn 35 on March 23rd and that seems like a good day to make a comeback but you know...we'll see if I'm showered;).

Thursday, February 15, 2018

rocky peyton: 25 and 26 months.

post by casey.

the above Gif and THIS full link...I'm dying laughing cause it was my life this morning...trying to have a thought while the kids used anything they had in their hands as tiny little hammers against the top of the table. GAHHHHHHH!!!!!;).

"...would you please, for the love of god and your own body...hold the hammering!!!"

we're playing catch-up around here! We've had a little stomach bug run through the house and luckily,  it was quick and really, I'd take a few hours of puking kids over a month of flu/cold symptoms - UPDATE, this post was drafted a few weeks ago: Homer is home with a fever today:(!!

so on with it! Rocky Peyton! Wellllllllllll...hmmmmm....where do I begin;). Rocky, Rocky, Rocky.

rocky's become a huge pain in the ass. There. I said it;). LOVEEEEEEEEEEEE him with allllllllll my beattinggggggg heart. But STOP CRYING!!! STOP WHINING!!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!?!?!?! 
He's working through some things;). Not sure whether he prefers to be up or down or somewhere in the middle - like me on all fours while he eats his breakfast off my back kinda thing;)?. There are a lot of emotionssssss and we're just along for the bipolar ride;). We're just trying to keep our cool and manage the fits and learn to walk away:). Hopefully, soon-ish, he'll learn to speak in full/understandable sentences and then MAYBE we can all get on the same page!.
OH, sureeeeeee....BLAHHHHH BLAHHHHH WAHHHHHH means I want more milk. Gotcha. How stupid of me. MY BAD.;)

"you bore me" - RockyP on life


but Rocky is talking more and more and more clearly, every day:). He still sleeps through the night and there is a little difficulty with nap times - he doesn't really seem to want to nap but I'll be DAMNED if that's coming to an end already!!!;). We're questioning if he's ready for a Big-Boy bed!:( Currently, him and Theo are sharing a room and Homer has moved into his own room. That's all working okay but wondering about putting him in his own room. Once he's in a big bed, we're downstairs and all the kids are upstairs, we think we'll have to put a child safety lock on his door to keep him from trying the stairs when we're not awake or able to keep an eye on him. I'll keep you posted!
UPDATE: we've since moved Theo out of that room and so now all 3 kids have their own room but Rocky is still in a crib:).

rocky is so much fun and full of smiles and very confusing stories that involve a lot of hand motions;). He'll tolerate a sled ride. Doesn't like the cold. Still loves hugs and cuddles and giving out wet kisses! He smells like a puppy - I swear I bath him;). He doesn't play well with others - sometimes;). He actually prefers his cloth diapers over the disposable - which helps keep me on task of using cloth!

i'm watching him play now. On the living room floor. The sun is pouring in on a cold January day. He's happy and smiling and it's everything I want in life:).