randoms.

 

Though the problems of the world are increasingly 

complex, the solutions remain embarrassingly simple. 

- Bill Mollison 

I thought my next post would be the start of a 3 to 10;) part series of our recent family vacation to Colorado BUT then I woke up feeling a million times better than yesterday and this feels like what needs to be shared TODAY!!:) 

A lot of what I’m sharing here is the reminder I needed for myself...to keep moving forward. And while I move forward and share these things or anything...I’m going to try to do it with a lot of humility and without berating anyone who feels differently. Just last year I thought I was ‘right’ and a lot of other people were ‘wrong’. I couldn’t feel further from that mindset today and I extended some apologies for those I criticized along the way. 

SO...here’s what’s on my heart (and boob;) this morning!!! Anyone else trying to break themselves of the habit of sleeping in the week before school starts...?!! - just me?;)!

14mo and still going strong!:) And look at that little smirk!!;):)

Homer’s first year of football and first game 8/21/21.

Homer’s the one with the ball in this short clip!!:) 

Sorry for leaving in the audio, Gerd;). And thanks to Brynn for catching this play!!

just reordered this eye cream from The Inkey List.

got to SEE Peyton on Sunday 8/22/21.❤️.

Courts sent over some real thinkers this morning and boy did it help put things in perspective. 

I know I’ve mentioned before that I’m not a ‘religious’ person but there has definitely been a shift for me in that over the last few years. Covid has been a nightmare for so so many reasons but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it’s brought so many good things to light for us as well.

handmade mug I purchased while in Colorado:)

this mornings Venmo transfer:)✨

what I’m currently reading! Homegrown & Handmade.

loved this information on what to plant based on your needs!

more Chokecherry inspiration!!! 

Man, I’m anxious to get started out there!

agreed, Frank.

the deer have been eating like kings at Chokecherry!:/ 

Finally got a fence around our ‘orchard’:)

we may know what needs to be done but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to DO what needs to be done! 

Did you know that over 75% of those hospitalized with Covid were considered overweight or obese? CDC

here I am.

I’ve been offline for just over a week now. I just got done yelling at the kids to “STOP YELLING STOP!!” Oh, the irony;). Regardless, I feel like this break has already made me a better mom...if only a more engaged one:). 

Who knew I actually DID have time to ‘guard doorways’ with assigned passwords like: Ninja and Log Butt;). Theo and I husked corn in the kitchen. I read aloud to Jacob from a new book while he made supper. I’ve nursed Mae with no To Do List or agenda or scrolling. Homer and I got school supplies and chatted about football. I watched Ikes face intently while he told a story that I could only partially decipher but that was veryyyy intense;). I held Rocky for as long as he needed after a spill on his bike:).

I’ve listened to 90’s country and cried for Peyton:’). Our boy joined the army and has been in GA for approximately 1 lifetime (aka. 24hrs;) and boy, does life feel completely altered in his absence.

While I wrote this (with pen and paper) I made supper. While I made supper, Mae threw soil out of my plant, ripped socks out of the basket and emptied the Tupperware tops out of the cabinet. Three steps forward...

In the last week we returned from another bi-annual Zimmerman-Family-Fun-Trip and I couldn’t tell you if it was better than the last because they were both so damn good! I’m hoping to share a lot of photos here soon...and nowwwww what was meant to be a quick “Hi, There!” blogpost is getting pretty out of control;). But here’s a quick recap of this last week!

we may have gotten more tattoos:)

we may have said our goodbyes in a tattoo shop parking lot:’)

theo lost ANOTHER tooth!!

we found a mask-free library (for now).

football season has begun and we’ve got some newbies!!

we’re reaping the rewards of Mallory’s garden!

We’re trying to purchase local and small and buy fresh and learn and grow and SO much more to come on that:). I’m currently reading (out-loud:): Homegrown & Handmade, A Practical Guide to More Self-Reliant Living.

i’m still finding inspiration for Chokecherry everywhere:)

Health Freedom For Humanity • The Highwire

I still find myself passionate about some pretty touchy topics.  I don’t want to be someone who is upsetting anyone with my perspective and beliefs...but I suppose that’s inevitable. We aren’t meant to agree on everything. Cripes, the most beautiful thing about each of us is how unique we are:). How could we ever impose a one-size-fits-all rule/solution/law?

I’m happy to report that I STILL and most likely, will always, oppose mandates - whether those already in place or those trying to be imposed.

Medical Freedom...well, Freedom in general, has creeped its way pretty high on my priorities list:). With most things, it took personal experience to bring our freedoms to my attention. To wake me up to their importance. 

I think I can trace that back to the year of the mishandling of my multiple miscarriages and then Covid happened and then Mae’s Homebirth and now Peyton joining the Army.

You guys, we have a freaking flag flying on our house now! I’m embarrassed to admit that more than a year ago...I would have been embarrassed to have a flag flying on our home:/. I’m proud of our home - the one with the roof over our head and the country we’re in. I’m proud of Peyton. That doesn’t have to mean I agree or feel things are being done perfectly because they certainly are not...

Okay...if you haven’t given up on me entirely, I’ll wrap this up;). The thing about social media and what I’m trying to change about my own life is my face-to-face/human interactions. Directly in front of someone, across the table, over a cup of coffee...usually, the assumptions and the hostility and the things we thought held all the weight on how we feel about about a person...have a better chance of melting away. I don’t think we are the sum of our political beliefs. And I don’t think we can do a good enough job expressing our thoughts on our entirely unique and personal health decisions in a meme online. We are far too complex for Instagram and although, I have plans to come back eventually ...for now, I hope to SEE people. 

I don’t know what it’ll look like or how to even begin...but I’m going to start by writing and sharing those thoughts here - don’t worry, it won’t alllllll center around Covid;). Ultimately, I hope that this leads to me showing up...in person, face-to-face. I want anyone who feels similar to know that you’re not alone. You’re not selfish or stupid for questioning or disagreeing with what’s happening in our world right now. I know you have your reasons for choosing the path you have for yourself and your family and those reasons are valid and no one else’s business. - that goes for everyone...not just someone who feels similarly to me. 

Nothing in life comes without risk. Just walking out the door every morning will come with choices and consequence. But man...every one of our stories is needed here. 

 

 “Nobody is superior. Nobody is inferior. 

But nobody is equal either. People are simply unique, incomparable. You are you, I am I.”

                                                      - Osho

June Baby, Mae.

post by Casey.

Oh, wow...I drafted this post on June 13, 2020. One day after Mae was born...I didn't type one word...just added the title: June Baby, Mae.

HOW AMBITIOUS OF ME TO EVEN HAVE CONSIDERED BLOGGING 24HRSSSSSS AFTER GIVING BIRTH.;).

And here we are...almost exactly ONE YEAR LATER. Finally getting back to this post. And instead of it being a Birth Post...it's a First Birthday Post. OMG. Yes, bitch. That's more like it;).

I've been considering getting back to writing. And by getting back to writing...I mean...I didn't necessarily USED to write...but I blogged on a more consistent occasion. Instagram has certainly taken the place of other writing outlets for me. I like to talk and share and Instagram has been really great for that. BUT ya know...Instagram has been next level not so great at times and I keep having this little nudge to get off it for a while. Like 6 months. Or a year. Just a niceeeee longgggg extended break. Gosh, I miss a flip phone. I've been thinking it'd be fun and adorably 'vintage' to get a flip phone for any phone calls and actually take.calls. I KNOW. That sounds scary and exhausting;) And, honestly...I'd have to break myself of that little heart attack I have every time someone CALLS me. Something MUST be deathly wrong if my girlfriend or sister or mom had to dial my number and immediately get in touch with me!!!!! When making phone calls myself, I've actually lead with: EVERYTHING'S OKAY...but it would just be faster to say this out-loud;).

So maybe this is the first of many blog posts to come, as I free up time off my phone and back to the basics. Pen and Paper (aka. the blog:).

Below is the most recent entry in Mae's Journal - I haven't been able to keep up with a Yearly Photo Book but I have been consistent in the kids' journals and their First Year Video - pats.self.on.back.for.following.through.with.something

THE most adorable photos by Courtney

Mae    

1yr+2days    

Monday, June 14, 2021    

Sunny - 75degrees - 13mph winds

I remember my Grandma Bieze's Journals including the weather that day and it kinda stuck with me:)

Sweet Baby Mae Mae. My goodness. We love you. When I grabbed your book to write this entry, I feel like IT hit me like a ton of bricks. I lost my breath for a second. How has it been a YEAR since I was watching the sun come up and listening to the birds chirp...sitting on the couch, while the rest of the house was still asleep - besides your dad, obvs., everyone else slept right through your birth;).

I still can't believe that somehow we were led to your birth at home. I have to be thankful for ALL that led us to that. Timing. Not 'meant to be' but gratitude, grace + timing. I wasn't so good at the first 2 in waiting for you and your arrival...but I'm learning to believe 'something' does indeed know better. That regardless of my short comings and wants and expectations...I've been given all these beautiful things...in time. NOT my timeline. And I've had to choose to believe it's been for the best.

Mae. You haven't slept through the night ONCE. And not only not slept through...you wake up at least 3 times every night. You don't sleep alone. Not at night and not for naps. When I'm struggling...boy, am I struggling at times...things can seem pretty crazy normally, but when a girl hasn't slept in over a year - except for 2-1/2hr increments...you struggle. 

The 'good' times are so sweet and your existence is enough but man...I've never feared for my mental health the way I have this last year (add in a global 'pandemic' for good measure...). 

Your first year was so strange and I had to try not to be affected (I was) by how little normalcy we got. No Mae + Mama trips anywhere in public. One full year+ of never being apart - from you or any of the kiddos. It's been a ride. But that might be worth a whole separate blog post:).

Today is a GOOD day:). Yesterday was a GOOD day. I'm so thankful for you and our family.

Mae. You're walking! Officially, at 11months! The earliest we've ever had a walker in this family (by more than 6MONTHS!!!;). You babble/talk all the time - seriously, THE cutest thing ever!. Clapping for Yay! Still nursing all day and all night. I've been trying to wean you because we'd love to have ONE more baby but I don't think you're quite ready:).

The kids call you Baby Chana (cha-na). So random and hilarious!

You're still in bed with us full-time - working on that:).

You have a mouth full of little hippo teeth!!!

Mae Mae. We love you. You are a little adventurer: we went to Devils Tower, WY with you and the rest of the kids when you were just 3months old!:) We'll be headed to Del Norte, CO in August. And there have been countless (local-ish) adventures in between!

Your big eyes are a grey with a hint of blue/green. 

You bring so much happiness to our lives.

love. 

Mom + Dad

If you have 4+minutes to spare...here First Year Video is below!:)

just a mom...who doesn't know how old her kids are.

post by Casey.



i've joined the ranks of 'those moms' that don't really know how old their kids are...let alone, their own age;). I'm embracing this time in our lives. 
"There they are...alive and an age:)." #BLESSED


okay...so it's been a minute since we've blogged...and I'm okay with that. I'm about 5 years behind on my photo books...pretty okay with that. I've missed a few months of the Traditional-Monthly-Orange-Chair-Photos of the kids anddddd I'm letting that wash over me as well. I'm a creature of habit, who is convinced they're FREE AS A BIRD!!!;) So the traditions I've set for myself are hard to let go of sometimes. But I'm trying to remember that it's quite possible these photos books I STRESSED about completing will be fished out of a flooded basement at some point;).
I'm finding my balance between being so so okay with things as they are but also choosing wisely what I should put some energy into. 


the last time I blogged we were just days away from finding out we were expecting our 5th baby! Man. Here we are 6 months later and we are stuck between no longer expecting that baby and still not expecting a baby. The last 6 months have been a pretty wild ride. Of course, now that we're on the other side of it..I feel fucking...different. I don't want to be dramatic...and maybe that entire miscarriage deserves a post of it's own someday...but it was heavy enough to put things into perspective. I've always felt pretty happy and content and just overall...good:). But by the end of that miscarriage things shifted and I've never before embraced the not knowing like I'm doing now. 
We want another baby so badly. But god damn...we're happy:). "It's going to be okay.":)

okay...Jacob's got a To-Do List longer than most for our Sunday at home...so I best wrap this up!!!
Here are the photos I DO have of our not-so-baby-babies:).

homer turned SEVEN in May!! He is still reading SO well. School has been great for him and he'll be heading into the 2nd Grade this Fall! He did Flag Football in the Spring - which he loved, has swim lessons in a few weeks and then a quick 3-hr Ninja Camp in late July! He's still a HUGE pain in my ass but his heart is so so good:).

theo turned FIVE in March!!! She's mostly disgusting and A LOT sweet but a total sass and we're working on just being nice to people in general. ARG!!;). She's still sucking her fingers and tooting all around the house. She loves horses and really nailed Preschool! Next up is Kindergarten in the Fall! She also just finished a little Gymnastics Camp and I'm so proud of how brave she was in going! She's also got swim lessons with Homer in a few weeks!

rockyP. rockkkkyyyyyyppppppppp. Luckily, I find him more cute than I find him frustrating because there's never a day or a time within every 1/2 hour that I'm not wondering: "WTFFFFFF ROCKKKKYYYYYPPPPP?!?!??!! WHYYYYYYYYY?????";). I've emailed several people about taking him off my hands for JUST 2 days a week and I'm having NO luck;). I love my crazy-boy so damn much!!!:)

ike has been sneaking around GROWING UP and of course I didn't realize this until I looked at these photos! GOOD LORD!!! Just in the last few months he decided to walk and jabber and become a Stage5 Clinger to mom! NO ONE BUT MOM WILL DO - he's even taken it a step further and decided to lose his shit if anyone even JOKES about taking mom away!!! Fun times;). Now that I've seen ALL of my other kids start favoring dad...I'm not taking for granted all the snuggles I'm getting because Mom will be discarded sooner or later;).

Ike still sucks his thumb. He sleeps like a champ. Eats like a bird. Loves the water. Hates anyone but Mom. Hates the sound of those hand dryers in bathrooms and tractors/machinery (they're currently redoing the road by our house - so that's been dumb;).

Ike Ewalt...you are a huge turd and we love you:).

Also...that buzz cut!!!! I know that no one but us would agree but after buzzing it...we agreed that it just doesn't suit him. Currently, growing it wayyyyy back out:):).

Ike Ewalt Turns (IS) ONE.

post by casey.

ike is ONE! 

can you believe it was 365+ days ago that we were waiting on Zika results and going in for multiple ultrasounds to check on his funky little kidney!? We're so happy Ike is here and we're so happy HE'S SO HAPPY:). 

besides being another wonderful pregnancy and a totally chill baby, this was one of my favorite postpartum experiences. Maybe being 35 helped me to feel more confident in what I wanted for Ike and for myself or maybe my friends being where they're at in life...but I knew what I needed and wanted to make recovery and my days better and those around me did the same!

ike is sleeping through the night. He's got 4 little hippo teeth (2 top and 2 bottom:). Ike is trying to stand up in the middle of the room - he's right on track to walk at about 16MO, just like his siblings:). He loves giving open mouth kisses and sometimes sneaking in some tongue;). He's eating non-stop - I think he was 22+lbs at his 1YR appointment:). Everyone loves Ike and Ike's cuddles:). Man, so lucky I've gotten 4 cuddlers!!!

i can't believe in a few days we'll be having our 2nd Christmas with Ike...as a family of 6! Since Theo (our 2nd), each baby has just felt like a given. I knew when I had Theo that I wanted AT.LEAST four kiddos and here we are, already. I know I've said it in the past...but them growing older isn't really the part I struggle with. I mean...it sucks and it's hard but it's happening and although, hard...it's such a gift. But the part that has me crying at night is the fact that I wanted this so bad...and here we are. And I didn't know that it would be as amazing as it is and I just wish it would have all taken it's time a little...maybe it's mostly hard to admit that when I don't know what the future holds...I'm in a fucking hurry to find out and then, wouldn't you know it, it all works out just as it should and then I'm kicking myself for not slowing my ass down;). 

Jacob and I just talked last night about how maybe none of it is supposed to make absolute sense until it's all over. BUT I do feel so at peace with where we're at right.this.second. Maybe it's a 4th kid thing or 'big' family thing or a lifeeee/age thing...but I do feel acutely aware that THESE.ARE.THE.DAYS. 

we're very happy and it's been a good year:).

Happy FIRST Birthday, IkeE. We're so lucky that we get to grow old with you!:)

+ if you've got 10MIN to spare - got a little carried away, I made a video of Ike's 1st Year:). Check that out below! +

birthday banner by PartyHappier

ike + coy's shared birthday:)

so apparently, a video of my family is one thing BUT put that shit in slo-mo and I will ball.like.a.babyyyyyy;).

Thank you for watching!!!