Maybe God really doesn’t give you more than you can handle…or are ready for…or need…or *think* you want.
God equips you.
I’ve been feeling a bit down, miserable, depressed?, annoying;), and a a little sick and a lot exhausted from a cold for the last few weeks but then on Rocky’s 10th birthday on Wednesday I managed to turn it around and get so much done, and felt the weight of a terrible mood, lifting:).
Buttttt that was short-lived and this morning something as trivial as an overflowing garbage - and some sort of pink gooey substance that missed the garbage and is now stuck to the floor and walls?!!! Why doesn’t anyone notice this stuff? Why are the kids so careless? Why can’t Jacob take the initiative to take out the garbage? The kids never listen! Nothing would get done if I didn’t do it!! - sent me reeling back to that rage/overwhelmed/angry/resentful mood, immediately.
That lead to a phone call with Jacob where I complained about the groundhogs day it is to live in this sh*thole mess. That may have been a direct quote, unfortunately:/.
I wasn’t done yet though and texted my sister about how ragey I was feeling and how it’s really my own fault. I complain about finances and the overwhelm of the state of our home BUT I keep spending and bringing more into our home:|.
*Am I just now realizing that the thing I enjoy the most (thrifting - short term, excitement/happiness?!) seems to actually be the thing making me, at least slightly, miserable (too much - long term, overwhelm/mess?!).😬😅
*Let the record show that at the time I hit publish on this post I was in a perfectly fine mood…even after letting the little girls ‘help’ me make French toast for dinner🙃 and I’d had a fairly productive day and feel motivated and happy and at least slightly ridiculous complaining at all…about anything…and want the point to be: how amazing God is. How being in a place in my life where I turn to him for the hard and the silly and the serious and the insignificant is something I’m immensely grateful for and how incredible it is to find everything you need in 1 book. The Bible and scripture has all the answers. Wow:). Okay…on with it:)
So I’ve been praying on my knees every morning…that God would change my heart.
Lord, help me to see the joy in all of my days. Lord, help me see my kids and be present with them. Lord, help me to be a happy wife and mom…to make Jacob happy and model what a happy heart and home looks like to my kids.
I wonder often why God so ‘easily’ helped me to quit drinking but I have so much difficulty having a consistently good mood and attitude…but then I remember I didn’t quit drinking overnight. There were years I tried and failed. God walked with me through it, He grew my conviction…until one day…I was finally done (10yrs alcohol free May2026🙏🏻).
I have the same hope for my heart. I know God hears my prayers. I know God is walking with me through this and I know He is good, even if this is something I struggle with the rest of my life.
I recently read a post on Instagram (that little app that also has such a strangle hold on me…but a hold that God is loosening very much these days).
Happiness Begins With Gratitude - Simon Alexander Ong
SO what does it all mean? Is there deeper meaning to why on days I’m down/overwhelmed and truly, even on the days I’m not…I have trouble dealing with what’s right in front of me?
I go thrifting.
I rearrange rooms.
I start new projects.
I load up the kids and go to the park.
I wonder what I’m worried about missing out on…why what I have and what I’m doing don’t feel like quite enough (which is odd because what I have and what I’m doing overwhelms me quite often already;). SO it’s clearly ENOUGH.
One of the things I haven’t tried…is anything different. Specifically, I haven’t trusted God with it. I’ve been asking Him to fix this problem that I clearly want to continue having.
2 Corinthians 12:9-11
He said to me, “My grace is enough for you, for in weakness power reaches perfection.” And so I willingly boast of my weaknesses instead, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I am content with weakness, with mistreatment, with distress, with persecutions and difficulties for the sake of Christ; for when I am powerless, it is then that I am strong.
I think…that I think I know better. Still, all that God has done in my life…I think I could somehow do better?! I’ve had these things in my life that I thought I needed to feel better. Alcohol being one…I thought I’d be missing out if I didn’t drink. I thought life might be less fun if I quit drinking…and yet, life has been so much better for me without it.
I didn’t actually ’need’ those things to feel good and be happier. Gods plan has always been better than anything I could have ever imagined.
What if I’m clinging to these ‘things’…to stuff, to thrifting, to what I lack, to misery…when God has a better plan for me.?
“If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you’ll be satisfied with more?”
Or better yet…
Matthew 25:21
His master said to him, ‘Well done! You are an industrious and reliable servant. Since you were dependable in a small matter I will put you in charge of larger affairs. Come, share your masters joy!”
Saying No to things that I enjoy/make me feel good…that I like…isn’t always easy but I’ve never regretted it when it’s been something I felt convicted to stop and I’ve known it was good and right to say No, however hard. And maybe saying No to this thing I think I ‘need’ will make room for the better plan God has in store for me. Maybe it’s not a No but a Not Right Now.
So this isn’t me saying I’m quitting Instagram or thrifting…but maybe that I need to focus on what’s right in front of me for a minute. Be consistently thankful for everything I already have.
And this isn’t me saying I have it ‘hard’. At all. It’s me saying I do NOT have it hard and my brain and hormones and heart and all of it aren’t on the same page a lot of days. And a lot of days it’s all good - it’s the consistency I’m missing.
I’m praying daily that God can help me do the simple things it would take to maybe turn this ship around on a daily basis. I feel like God has something planned for me but I have some preparing to do.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
And when I fail…as I’m bound to do, God is so gracious to take me back each and every time.
1 John 1:9
But if we acknowledge our sins, he who is just can be trusted to forgive our sins.
