remember me? didn't think so;).

post by casey.



well, if there ever was a way to fail at blogging...Courts and I would be winning at that!!;)

did you know that Courts is pregnant?!;) - see announcement HERE. Did you know that I am not?;( 

family photos over Mother's Day - Papa took a permanent marker to my kids face prior...;)

I may share more of these at some point!:)

wine night with the ladies:)

rocky still can't talk worth shit. He IS peeing in the yard...so we're making some potty-training progress!;) He does a pretty realistic dinosaur impression and he really can't do much wrong, in my book...even though he's, basically, doing wrong things constantly!!!;)

claire and rocky in that pool that took me no less than 27 trips to the bath tub with 2 ice cream pails...and they played in there for approximately 13minutes:/

homer is wrapping up his 1st full year of school! Kindergarten is over next week and man...I'm having feelings about that! He's SIX you guys and I've always had a terrible memory but having to dig deep to remember that every time someone asks...it hurts;'(.
Kindergarten has been amazing for him! Mrs. Guyer, his teacher, is just...EVERYTHING. Homer loves her. I love her. I'm almost a tinyyyyyyy bit sad that he's done so well - thanks so much to her - but I wouldn't be mad if he had to be in her classroom one more year;).

jacob has been putting in a lot of hours at work, which has been great for our savings but we already miss him. It will be a long summer without him but we're used to that by now:).
Did I mention that we paid off all our debt?! We're DEBT-FREE!?!?!? We drive a 2001 Dodge Caravan...it has dual (manual;) sliding doors....would you rate your envy at a 10 out of 10 yet?;)
And by Debt-Free, I mean that we haven't had credit cards for years...we haven't accumulated debt for years...we've just been trying to clean up a mess for...YEARS. And now we just have a mortgage and no air conditioning and it's been 110thousand degrees BUT we're so so sweaty happy!!!:)

i've still been watching kids (my sisters - and no, I will not watch your kids;) here and there. Just about enough to pay for the occasional facial but not enough to really want to rip out my ovaries. #balance
I've also clocked another year of...sobriety!? That feels heavy but I believe that is what I have been/am. It's been just over 2 years now. Phew!

theo is still holding down the fort. She's keeping things weird...which we love:). She starts PreK this fall!!! Why do I fear that she'll actually have a harder time being pulled off my leg than Homer???;/ - see how Homer did HERE.

i've been doing the Spring/Summer things! Freshening up the landscaping. Buying all.the.things at the Greenhouses. Filling the pool manually because the hose situation is broke and that's just been awful! Push mowing the lawn every 17hrs;).

ike is growing by the second. He's adorable and fun and great and quite the talker! Smiles nonstop! He's soft. Oh, man...he's so.gosh.darn.SOFT!!!!!!! We love cuddles. He rolls and is pushing himself around on the floor but no where near sitting yet. 
He's still exclusively nursing. He's going through a bit of a sleep regression - is that what the people who keep track of such things call it??!?. Currently, he's up until about 1AM...except for last night/this morning...we prepared mentally for 1AM and so you know...he was up till after 3AM. Good one. Great. Awesome. How though. Whyyyyyy.;).

we're hanging in there;). 

we're just so happy for the warm weather! I'd take 80's over the cold ANY day! Give me sweat over goosebumps!

we're trying not to do too much planning for the next few months. We're just hoping to save, save, save...I mean...people have savings and we want to be those people!!!!;). We'd love to do some traveling and get away a bit but we're just going to be annoying noncommittal and the goal this summer is Spur of the Moment/Last Minute/Why Not/Maybe/We'll See/Sure/No/Let's Do It/Yes/ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE;).

so we're good and we're trying to stare at the kids more and take it all in and really appreciate this time. Gosh, we've really lucked out and we're just so so aware of that.

have a great day, friends.

another week without you...or a phone!.

post by casey.

this is coming in unedited (the photos) and with the Time Change (seems to have affected my husband more than the kids - it's 1102AM and he's still in bed I'm allowing him to sleep-in;).

i wanted to do a quick update, of sorts, because since the last 'update' - HERE - and getting you up to speed on my Social Media Break-ish, my phone actually completely shut down on me. I've been without phone for almost a week! Besides the technical shit that is upsetting in having your phone take a crap - like losing a weeks worth of photos, my entire calendar (I have NO clue what I'm obligated/committed to for the next 6MO!!!), meaningful text message conversations, etc - I had to make the daunting decision as to whether to even replace it (as if I could just go phoneless;) and what to replace it with (WHY SO EXPENSIVE!!!).

in the end, I decided to just file an insurance claim on my phone and for a $168 deductible, I'll be receiving a new iPhone 6s Plus in the mail some time tomorrow evening. My previous phone was paid off and I just couldn't stomach adding another $35-ish to our monthly AT&T bill for an $800/900 phone! Man...those prices! Also...I just have a love/hate relationship with technology and so I wish someone else could do all of this for me - I probably would have been told to be backing up to iCloud then?!;) And part of me is excited to get an empty phone and put ONLY the necessities back on it! When mine broke, I had over 2,000 photos and Pizza Hut on speed dial and just a bunch of crap that was bogging my phone AND life downnnnn.

okay...so here's what I had from our week, all unedited - which I'd normally do on my phone. Taken with my little point&shoot - the one the kids use and drop multiple times a day. I'm actually considering buying something small/new/amazing to use now that I saved all that money on a phone. Any suggestions for a great point&shoot camera?!?!

we spent 3 days in WI Dells for our annual Smith Christmas Getaway - see last years getaway HERE:)

Full post to come on that - Courts might even show her face on this blog with a post on her version of our getaway!!!! It's a Smith Dells Christmas Miracle!!!;)

1 of the millions of photos I find on my camera after the kids have gotten a hold of it. This from Theo Daisy!!! She's got a real gift for photography and love for all things horse;).

this turd - RockyP - is officially in a BIG BOY BED/twin mattress on the floor;)!!! Good grief! SO happy to be distracted with a newborn because this hasn't yet affected me emotionally;).

He's doing SO well!

my specialty;). And don't let the jammie pants fool you, this photo was taken at about 527PM...Mom made dinner and is also in desperate need of a shower;).

this weather, you guysssss! Anything over 30 degrees with less than 10mph winds, in WI...MAGIC!

we walked to the library - Nash + Homer. They were in Lego Heaven!!

the fun and fighting and Legos continued at home;) - Homer + RockyP.

i'll be back from the stone age tomorrow! Phone should arrive by 5PM! These last few days 'unplugged' have really reminded me that I can go without...without texting, without a schedule (that's fortunate for me, as I know some/most couldn't live that flexibly), without the Internet in general! After all this I really hope to designate specific hours for playing around on my phone or full days (Sundays, maybe?) where we unplug entirely!

anyways, I miss you guys and can't wait to dive back in!!!!

a week without you.

post by casey.

a few of my favorite things:
- bragging up my kids
- taking photos of my kids
- complaining about my kids
- sharing photos of equally proud/embarrassing/defeating/frustrating moments of my kids
- shopping...in general;)

a few things I've 'given up' since the New Year:
- shopping...all of it. Any kind. All.The.Shopping.

and now since Lent:
- ALL SOCIAL MEDIA (with the exceptions of checking to make sure weirdo's haven't started following my accounts and to check-in on some of our 'business' accounts to continue my 'work' with those).

soooooooo...now I spend my longggggggg, coldddddd days here at home...just me and the kiddos. No real outside/human/adult interaction. No exciting mail days. No scrolling. No searching. No Target runs. 

some photos/things you've missed:)

willb and Theo are registered for PreK this fall!!! - them smiling and me eating an oatmeal cooking/sobbing.

it's good, you guys;). The benefits of this break are out-weighing the negatives.
I miss posting. I miss seeing what people are up to. I've actually found myself taking less photos because I know that I won't be sharing them with the outside world. That bothers me.

i actually just finished a book and found this quote within it:

"Why has living out loud for the rest of the world to see become such a priority?" 

- A Simplified Life by Emily Ley


A Simplified Life
about to begin Brene Browns Braving The Wilderness and then The Couple Next Door for my Book Club:)

i've been thinking a lot about that. 

social media was never too bothersome to me. I didn't find myself comparing my body or face or kids or vacations to anyone else or even when I did, I didn't really let that get me down...I'd be lying if I said I didn't envy some of the lifestyles of the accounts I follow. Moms staying home that seemed to have a budget for anything they wanted or needed. Families vcacationing for a living. Homes with finished kitchens. Women with all Madewell wardrobes. I don't mind a bit of envy but I'm sick of wanting all the things.  

i KNOW I have enough.

"It's a beautiful thing to have lungs that allow you to breath air and legs that allow you to climb mountains, and it's a shame that sometimes we don't realize that that's enough."

still all the coffee with Ike:)
and I DID break my No-Spending to buy a couple adorable rompers from my good friend over at New Moon Beginning - Ike is pictured wearing one, above:)!!!

and for.real. I've saved us SO much money in only 2MO! I was talking to a friend recently about having given up shopping - for now - and she had read somewhere that online shopping gives you an initial 12MIN of satisfaction or happiness. Where as if you were to put that money towards an experience...you can look back on that experience with happy feelings (assuming that experience was a positive one;) forever!!

i've been babysitting and that's been equal parts shitty anddddd financially beneficial;).

i'd also like to point out that this is all for me. This is not me passing judgement if you're still on social media or shopping online. I was just indulging too much. Likeeeeeee uhhhhh lotttttt. And I realize that I'm home all day and so I have the ability to be online at almost any point in the day...to stop what I'm doing to look something up online. And add in that I'm nursing...which forces me to take multiple 'breaks' during the day and sit and then most times, stare at my phone. SO if you's got the time and the moniesssss andsssss the self control....I salute you;).

homer watching the clock, waiting on Minecraft Night With Dad to begin;).

so over the past week I've finished a book and started a book. I've talked to a friend on the phone, something that was long overdue! I'm still filling my time...listening to Podcasts and doing a bit more house work. There's still a lot of room for improvement. I want to be spending that free time with the kids...not filling it with more tasks. 

at the end of the day I still feel like I've been busy all day. Maybe even still a bit distracted BUT with things that hold a bit more substance than all the absentminded scrolling. My head doesn't hit the pillow with the guilt it had just a week ago - having not felt like I really LOOKED at the kids all day/night. Like they were 'interrupting' me on my phone constantly. The haze has lifted.

we built a Snowman...ish;).

BUT the habit is hard to break. I still find myself checking my phone for the apps that I deleted a week ago. Searching for something to...look at or find?!

this break is good but a reminder that at the end of this I am looking for things to be changed. That at the end of this, I want to break some very bad and addictive habits.

making smoothies and trying to be healthy...ish;).

i'm not entirely sure how long I see this break lasting. I've been throwing around popping back up on my birthday! I turn 35 on March 23rd and that seems like a good day to make a comeback but you know...we'll see if I'm showered;).

giving up alcohol.

post by casey.

today is pretty significant for a few reasons.

number1, being that Homer is five. And that feels like such a big deal...way bigger and involving more tears (for me;') than any of those previous birthdays. I'll get more into that when I cry over the keyboard in a few days, uploading a birthday post for our boy:(

but something else that today marks, is 1 full year of sobriety for me. Not one drop of alcohol in a full year - which I don't normally feel like is thattttt big of a deal but then when it comes up...people are pretty shocked/impressed/confused;)! 365 days. 1/2 of those being hot summer days. More than a few campfires. A wedding reception - A New Years Eve wedding reception...you guyssss;/. Awful/exhausting days with the kids. Wine Nights with the girls. Mondays...Tuesdays...Saturdays...Sunday Fun Days - ALL THE DAYS;). A concert! A 34th birthday. A beach vacation in Mexico with my husbanddddd....with a FREE Happy Hour!!!!! 
It wasn't easy...and seriously, I STILL chew my fucking finger nails. I can't.stop.chewing.them! But quitting alcohol cold turkey...done;)

without getting too deep into the complexities of my relationship with alcohol...I'll just say that I used to drink a lot, all the time. And then I got better and I didn't drink as often but when I did drink, I drank a lot. It was hard on Jacob, mostly. He dealt with my heavy drinking in our early 20's. And even though I was in a much better place when we got back together for good...I still had a little ways to go:)
And my apologies to my friends for the awful friend I must have been during those early days and also, you're welcome for some prettyyyyyy amazing dirt to hold over my head...foreverrrrrr. In all seriousness...I made some awful decisions and am so glad I didn't hurt anyone or myself back in those days:/.

it seems kinda ridiculous when I read back through this or say 'sober' or 'sobriety'. I wouldn't have classified myself as an Alcoholic - cause if I'm an alcoholic...well, then...most of WI would fall into that category, unfortunately. I think mostly, I used it to cope and I never got to enjoy those few good thing(s) about alcohol. YES, I do believe it's not all bad!:) But I think for me...I kinda ruined my chance to just enjoy 'a few'. 

i'll mostly miss having a drink with Jacob around the fire after we put the kids to bed. Or sharing a Long Island Ice Tea at Buffalo Wild Wings. Or a beer in the back yard at Pigg's after picking up sticks all afternoon. Or margaritas on a hot summer day, with my sisters, while the kids play on the slip n' slide. Or that glass of wine in the tub after a long.ass.day.

and thinking about all those future drinks I'll be passing up. All those future vacations that we'll take that won't include a beer around the campfire, after the kids are tucked into the RV for the night and we're staring at the stars in Yellowstone:) Or sharing a bottle of wine on the grass beneath the Eiffel Tower for our 10YR anniversary getaway - also, just got lost on that site for a good 20MIN and then Expedia to check flight prices to Paris...currently: over $1K...gahhhh;). 

i never miss it socially...at the bar or in large groups. I honestly, don't even miss it on Wine Nights with the girls - they're company is more than enough:). I never miss it outside those quiet times, mostly with Jacob:)

the day I told Jacob - May 8th, 2016 - that I was thinking I might stop drinking...and I wasn't sure what that looked like going forward...but that I thought, for me, I needed to stop...for a substantial amount of time...Jacob looked at me and said: "That makes me so happy, I could cry." - he was serious:( I'm the most thankful that he's always been able to express how he feels about things and that he did in that moment because honestly, had he not said that or reacted that way...I'm not sure I would have wanted to commit as seriously as I have/do. 

*and I should mention that he quit as well. A show of support, I suppose:) I didn't ask him to do that and it wasn't at all necessary, Jacob's never been much of a drinker but I'm happy to be doing this together:) - he did have one drink, unknowingly, when our nephew filled his coffee cup with Kessler...jokester;).

it's gotten easier and going forward...I imagine it coming up in conversation and my response being that I haven't drank in 2YRS...5YRS...and so on. But Jacob and I have agreed that we'd take things as they come and for now, I don't drink...but maybe a trip to Paris would be enough to pull me out of my drinking 'retirement'...at least for an afternoon glass of wine:)

those faces up there, though...I mean...alcohol was such a distraction for me and most people don't leave the house worrying about how much they'll drink or not drinking too much or feeling stressed about doing something stupid...I didn't feel like that was normal. It's helped to clear my head:)

so I stopped drinking alcohol, cold turkey, a year ago. I haven't had a drop since. I'm really glad I did that:)


now if you made it through all that...you deserve a drink;)

me-time, sleep and other things my children don't allow.

post by casey.

photos from an afternoon sledding a week ago...after a night of not sleeping and a morning catering to them;)

morning!! I got up early to try and meditate. I feel like this would be beneficial for me...I tend to get in my own head a lot, on the verge of feeling depressed - for what reason, I have no clue, because I'm acutely aware of how fortunate my life is. 

i used to sleep. Not only at night but naps during the day. I sure did love sleep. I sure do miss sleep. I hear it helps to get sleep...it helps you to feel rested and more patient and more productive. Not only does my body now reject sleep...but the kids' bodies also reject me sleeping. If I go to bed at 9PM, they will commence in being insane at 930PM and then again at 12AM and at 330AM.
IF I go to bed at 1230AM...they will SLEEP until 1237AM and then the shit-show will begin. And then 230AM and 440AM and then wake-up at 7AM. 

last night I went to bed at 930AM. That didn't go well. I set my alarm for 510AM and was able to get out of bed at 6AM but both the elder children were in my bed since 330AM and not really sleeping. Mostly fighting over who slept next to who and who's leg was on what. 
Where was Jacob in all this?!...sawing logs. The kid can sleep through ANY.THING.
And so 3MIN into my meditation at 617AM, they both came in to interrupt and demand milk and bagels.
The kicker is that they seriously NEVER get up before 730AM. UNLESS I get up early. 

being a mom is hard sometimes. I love it. I love them more than I've ever loved anything - outside of Jacob, because let's be honest...that kid keeps me sane!:). 
Being a mom can be defeating and all-consuming. 

i needed that time for myself this morning. I struggle to get out of bed early in the mornings because I'm not getting any sleep at night. But this morning I got up and I was excited to meditate while the coffee was brewing and do my 20MIN workout...and maybe get 30MIN of reading in before the kids woke-up. And if I was really lucky, Jacob would be getting ready for work and we'd be able to have a quick conversation over a cup of coffee before he heads out the door.

homer just interrupted me to ask me "when will the food be ready???"

so now my morning is a glass of water while writing up this boring mom-complaint blog post;/

it's hard to ask for help. That's the big thing. I want Jacob to get rest. But I think after a while, I need to demand my time as well. And Jacob is more than willing to help me. But what is it about us moms feeling like we MUST.DO.IT.ALL?! 

ah, this is obviously PRE-Coffee blogging...the COFFEE blog post would have been WAY more awesome;)

i know this season will pass too quickly and eventually, I will be sleeping again and wishing for those interrupted nights and early mornings with my babies. 

man, it's hard. Hard not to lose yourself in the demands of what can sometimes be the mundane life of a mom. Whether you stay home with your babies or you have to kiss them goodbye on your way to work every day...I'm sure it can all feel overwhelmingly...the same most days?!. And most days I have it in me to move through that and today...I don't. 

homer just interrupted me again to say "Everyone loves you mom. We love you so much. I just want to kiss you until you cry."

how do they know?! That's real. That actually just freaking happened - wahhhhhhh;(
They have NO compassion for me getting any god-damn sleep but they are entirely too in-tune with my heart:)

as Homer would say - because I've said/yelled/repeated it a million and 5 times....
"let's turn it around." :)

we do have a fun day planned and we're packing for a weekend away with the family and then Jacob and I are headed to Tulum, Mexico for 3 nights!! I think it's a classic case of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and shutting down days before we reach it;) I'm beyond lucky to have that light to look towards! Jacob and I are SO so excited for this time away and for sleep and for sun and uninterrupted conversations and hand-holding:) Although, we haven't even left yet...we look forward to getting back to our babies and having more to give them because of that much needed break:)

thanks for listening guys. I have to have this family out the door by 8AM...so skipping the workout and the reading andddddd the shower (come-on, you know how I roll - and we areeeee going to a water park over the weekend...so that counts, right?;) and going straight for coffee:)

happy Thursday, friends:)